I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
