I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
