I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
