Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize