I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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