Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
