I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
