He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
