well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
