So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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