It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
