There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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