I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
