my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
