i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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