I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
