i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
