I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
