Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I think my moral compass just broke
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
