I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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