Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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