so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
