told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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