I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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