is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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