I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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