so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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