Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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