I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
