we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
