I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
