is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
