my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
