i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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