found the other keg... it's in the tree
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
did i walk over a car last night?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
