So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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