Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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