just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I need moral support for this bender
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
