Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
