Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
