Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
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