Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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