I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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