Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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