On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
