I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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