Me too!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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