And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
