I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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