You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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