LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
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Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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