Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
