Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
