My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
