we're blogging at a bar
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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