I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
