i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i dont even know how to be here
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
