It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
