you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
