At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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