"it" just moved
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
