i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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