I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
