she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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