is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
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before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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